I often see these articles and internet reads and books on being “A Woman that has it all” and in these write up women would have husbands, kids a career and…. Wait for it… a nanny or full time baby sitter, or mother that had nothing to do but be at her daughters house cooking, cleaning and doing laundry happily with no complaints.
SN: where are these mothers? I mean I have never met one. Well wait I have met them… they are NOT MINE! That is what it is… so if there are any older ladies that read my books and want to adopt a fully grown woman with a husband, 3 crazy kids and a Boston terrier that thinks she was a pit bull in a former life, but has not realized she isn’t in that body anymore. Send me an email
As I would read through whatever it was (article, book, Facebook post) my thoughts would range from “Oh please” to “you do realize you are a wife and mother that does nothing for your family, except provide someone else to do the stuff you would do?”
Once I started writing on a more full-time basis I remember thinking “I can do this. All I am doing is adding a new job to my everyday routine. I mean I worked a job and now I am writing as my job. So this should be a breeze”…. YEAH NO!
Now depending on the type of wife and mother you are this may not be the same issue for you and yours or it may be an issue just not in the way that you think it would be.
For instance I am a hands on wife and mother, so I cook, I clean, do laundry, as of the last month I home school my two youngest children. I help my husband in his business ventures in any way that I can. I manage the bills meaning if there is an issue with the bill I call customer service and tell them to get it right, if there is a power outage, the cable goes wonky etc. I call and deal with it. I also deal with financial aid for my son. His school issues and try and support and listen to him.
When I cook I make everyone’s plate, my husband always gets his plate first unless he is not home and even then I make his plate and put it in the microwave. I wash and fold all the clothes and then have everyone come and put their clothes away. I make sure the kids do their chores and follow up to make sure it was done right. I clean in almost every room in the house on some level
SN: I am a Virgo so I am anal about certain things and to me everything has a place all you need to do is PUT IT THERE, I have a level of clean that does not match other peoples sometimes so making sure MY house is clean to MY level of clean is no easy task. Hey at least I know my crazy and the levels to which it can reach. Do you know yours? LOL
Now I do not tell you all of this to make it seem like I am so put upon and woe is me. I tell you this so that you can get an idea of what I mean when I say hands on. These are not roles or behaviors I was PUT IN these are things that I CHOSE. This is the way that I actually like to take care of my family.
However, now I have added to the plate of all of this, something I am passionate about, my dream my LOVE. Not just a job, or a way to make a little money on the side or a way to get attention. (Because as you can see from above I get plenty) I added being an author and once I got started it was like lighting dynamite. There is no stopping me. I love this, this is what I was put here to do.
Now for me, and I am sure it is different for everyone. I am an indie author, so I not only have to write books and get the book edited. I have to get the cover done, choose the photos for the cover, I have to promote meaning using means that have worked for me in the past and finding new means to get my books in-front of more eyes. I have to deal with questions from my team (managers, lawyers, agents, publicists) because in the end I am the “artist” and a Virgo (see side note above) so the final decision is mine on any topic that may come up. I also have to be available to my readers (which I enjoy because well you guys are so awesome) and I love getting a sense of what you liked didn’t like and what to give you in the future. So I AM the business to make a long story short.
Last but not least there is my girls, yes I include my girlfriend in this because they are important to me. These are the people I talk to when I want to cut my husband (don’t look at me like that, if you have not wanted to cut your man once or twice then you are not in a real relationship), they are who I bounce ideas off of, we bond and help each other, and laugh and cry. ALL of it we do for each other, and I need them like I need my family. I am not JUST a wife and mother I am a WOMAN. Which means I need all of these things in my life to try and maintain my sanity.
So here I am a wife, mother, friend, professional with a PLATTER of shit to do and only 24 hours in a day to do it in.
I look around and I say SHIT, yes SHIT! If you have read my books or talk to me longer than five minutes you know I don’t do fake, people swear, deal with it.
I am thinking SHIT, I can’t get this all done. But why can’t I get this all done. I am smart, strong, talented, organized what seems to be the problem. So as I look around the first thing I see and that my mind goes to is the people that are calling me “Mommy” and “Baby”
Mommy can you?
Baby do you? Are we? We need to,
And I go OMG, you can’t do ANY of this yourself? Do you really need to be bothering me right now? I mean DAMN!
(Again, don’t look at me like that I bet you thought the same thing this morning about someone in your house. I am just willing to be real and say it)
This goes on for a while sometimes days in my head being irritated that they need me so much.
Then God taps me on the shoulder and says….
“Hey you! Every Woman! YOU asked for this! YOU prayed and told me you wanted a family, YOU prayed and asked me to make you THIS kind of wife and mother, YOU prayed and asked me to let you write and have plenty of stories to tell, YOU asked for all of this! YOU! So why now are you mad at your kids, your husband, your publicist, etc? YOU asked for this.
“Ok, I am sorry Jesus but can you please make it so my books write themselves then because I do not have time for all of this?”
What? The lord knows I am crazy! He made me, so he knew that question was coming! LOL
Anyway, to wrap up what I am saying. I woke up today and I was thinking of all I had to do and all that I did not get done yesterday. I then paused for a second and thought of ALL the things my husband could say I am slipping on, all the things my children could say I could do better, and I thought
“You mean to tell me I am not perfect? DAMN IT!” LOL
See I am a woman that attempts to be real with herself as much as possible. To be real about what my part in a situation being bad or good can be. Yes ladies I have said it for all the men to see….. we are not always right and we don’t know it all!
See we can get so many things on our plates and be taking care of so much and think that we are doing it perfectly and only our “supporting cast” is causing a problem. When really you are contributing, in some way also. Ladies we are not a victim of our circumstance. A lot of times we have contributed to a situation to get to where we are.
I wanted to be a mom that my kids loved so much they looked to me for all they needed. Check
I wanted husband that loved me so much he looked to me for all he needed and loved me so much every time he saw me he wanted my undivided attention… Check
I wanted to be an author, and have stories and books running through my head all day long and to only want to be in my office in front of a laptop writing…. Check
So when you think about it… I do have everything…. I am having it all!
We never imagine what it will take to play out our “dreams” we just ask for shit and hope for the best because let’s be real most of us think we will not get what we ask for.
We want to be in love and have passion, most of the time passion leads to babies.
We want to be loved and to be everything to our man…. That leads to not being able to focus on ANYTHING else or he feels slighted.
We want our children to think of us as mom and friend to share with us and to have all these memorable moments… well then you are not working or paying that man you wanted any attention.
We want to have the job of our dreams and makes lots of money doing it… more money more decisions more decisions more attention away from the man, the kids, and actively doing the dream.
So to sum it up ladies…. You can and will have everything you ask for, everything you work for, good bad and ugly……..You can HAVE IT ALL!!
You can have everything you want… just remember there is a good and a bad to everything you want and don’t get mad at your family and loved ones when the bad rears its ugly head. Take it in stride and be grateful!
Because you could be alone, barren and partially retarded!
Just a thought!